Rewriting Rest: What I’ve Learned Since My ADHD Diagnosis

I am trying to learn how to rest, I feel like it should be an easy thing, but honestly, it’s not something that comes naturally to me at all. I remember one particular holiday where I Googled “How do I switch off?” and I didn’t find a satisfactory answer. It’s a mystery and an ongoing puzzle that I’m trying to solve.

I’ve started to work out a rest framework and I’m sharing it in the hope that you’ll find it helpful too. One of my biggest learnings on my post ADHD diagnosis journey is that for most of my life I have never listened to myself. I’ve ignored everything that my body is trying to tell me. Sometimes unconsciously, and sometimes it’s been a stubborn conscious effort to forge on when I know I’m exhausted and depleted. Either way, I had become so used to shutting out everything from the neck down that I was existing as a little floating head of swirling thoughts, and not much else. Which is OK, apart from the fact that my body is actually quite important as it turns out, and listening to it is ‘a good thing’.

And often, when I think I’ve been resting, what I’ve actually been doing is dissociating. I’m talking mainly about social media use here. It draws me in and time just passes, but I feel rubbish afterwards. It’s definitely not the rest that I need. I know there’s a better way…

So the first thing I need to do if I’m thinking about a rest is to check in with myself. I need to ask myself what I need. What sort of a rest is going to replenish me today? Sometimes it’s physical rest, I need to sit down for a while. Sometimes it’s active rest, I need to get out and run. Sometimes the thing that’s going to satisfy my tired brain is to write or be creative. Or it might be talking to a friend or connecting with one of my people. Oftentimes it’s difficult to know and it’s trial and error. And that can get frustrating. This stuff is supposed to be easy, right? Why can I not switch off like most people seem to be able to do? And that's ADHD. The persistent treadmill of high velocity feelings, ideas and ruminating thoughts can be exhausting in itself. Honestly, sometimes it would be nice to take a break from all of that.

But anyway, first of all check in and see where you’re at. There’s loads of different ways to do this. Some people use a traffic light system, some like a picture check in, some have a feelings wheel or list as a way to put words to the internal brain spaghetti. Have a play and find out what works best for you. For me it’s a feelings list. I have a read through and see which of the words I identify with. It’s surprisingly simple and surprisingly helpful.

The next step requires a bit of prior preparation (but it’s really worth it)! You need to make a chill menu. I love a menu for so many things. What I mean by a menu is a list of options. When we’re tired and need a rest, the last thing that we need to do is to be faced with decisions, it costs energy that we probably don’t have at that point, and because we don’t have energy in that crucial decision making moment, we might choose to rest in ways that don’t actually replenish us. I’m talking doom scrolling, or whatever your quick dopamine fix might be at that moment.

So let’s think a bit about this rest menu. It’s probably going to need different sections. If you’re using a traffic light check in for example, you might want a list of things to do if you’re feeling green, as well as an amber and a red list. You might decide you need different options for evenings and weekends, or if you work on call there might be specific things you can do to chill at those times.

Maybe some examples would be useful to illustrate the point, so here’s a few ideas that work for me:

Green

Write something creative

Play the piano

Drink a cup of tea and really concentrate on it

Amber 

Box breathing

Do a 10 minute meditation

Walk somewhere lovely

Red

Sing terribly and really loudly

Go for a run

Listen to music and let myself feel whatever it is that’s troubling me

And obviously these are unique to me, my particular ADHD brain is very soothed by a mindful cuppa, but your version of this might be completely different. Hopefully you can see that by having this list written out, and it being somewhere accessible, the chance that I’ll do these things that I know will help me out, rather than some kind of unhelpful dopamine driven dissociation tactic, is higher, and will be beneficial in terms of my overall mental state!

So that’s my take on restorative rest… 

1. Try making a menu with some different options on it. 

2. When you’re thinking you might like to switch off, check in with yourself and see what’s going on for you. What is your current state?

3. Select an option from your menu that suits where you are.

4. Feel better! (And if you don't feel better just try something else. No judgement, just exploration and self discovery.)

If you’re navigating ADHD yourself, or working alongside someone who is, our downloadable PDFs might help. They include a clear overview of ADHD in adults, practical advice for line managers, and a straightforward guide to reasonable adjustments at work. You can find them at https://mi8r2w5n.sibpages.com/