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Writer's pictureHelen Allwood

Time to Chill? Navigating a Holiday as a Neurodivergent Family.

I love travelling and I love going on holiday, especially if it’s abroad. The pure joy and excitement of boarding a ferry or a plane and getting off in a different country is something that is unique and unparalleled. Unfortunately for me, I’ve not been abroad for 10 years. I’ve had three kids in that time, there’s been a global pandemic, and my passport lapsed and getting a new one seemed like a big hurdle. Luckily though, I have some fantastic friends and they gave us the kick that we needed to get ourselves together and book a big, joint holiday in France.

 

We just returned a few days ago and it was epic! Predictably, I got extremely excited when we were getting on the ferry. (As did some of the kids, the other was concerned that we were going to have some Titanic type disaster. (I wish I was joking!)) Luckily there were no icebergs and I think our excitement was justified…there was a cabin with four beds in and you could make your own cuppa, what more do you need?! Also predictably, we didn’t get much sleep!

 

We were staying on a lovely campsite with a swimming pool and a load of water slides, and it was right on the beach. It was action packed and amazing!

 

There was one thing it wasn’t though…relaxing for the parents! I had thought that maybe some time reading my book on a sun lounger was realistic, but it didn’t really happen. Don’t get me wrong, there were 4 adults and we had 5 children between us, and we shared them out well and all got a bit of adult-only time off, but there was usually a nappy to change when we got back.

 

It got me thinking about how we chill out as parents. Because holidays with kids are LOADS of fun. But they’re not that relaxing. Especially if our kids are neurodivergent. A change of place, or routine, or food, or clothes, or the application of suncream can all be pretty big challenges. And if we are neurodivergent parents there can be added challenges too.

 

So, now that we’re back, do I need a holiday from my holiday? The answer for me, pre ADHD diagnosis and before I started to have coaching would be a resounding yes. I would have really struggled. But things are different for me now. I have learned so much about myself through understanding ADHD, and my specific brand of it. I know what I need, I know how I function best and I am not afraid to ask for it. So my question for you (especially if you are neurodivergent or have neurodivergent kids, or both) is, what do you need to do every week to look after you? What do you need to do to make your lifestyle more sustainable, so that you aren’t desperate for your next holiday? Because holidays with kids aren’t always that relaxing for parents.

 

Maybe you need to carve out time for yourself every week, to be alone. Or maybe you recharge your batteries by socialising with friends or family. For me, sitting in a coffee shop with a flat white and a good book is absolutely essential to my mental health. I need to do it every week, I know that it helps me to function and to be a good mum. Most of the time I remember to do it! There’s other stuff too, walking and getting outside in nature is vital for me. And now that I know this about myself, I can prioritise it. Because I know that if I can do these things for myself, my whole family will genuinely benefit from me being more present and having more to give to them. Honestly, I used to think that this kind of chat was an excuse, something that we told ourselves to make us feel less wretched about needing a break. I was wrong. Self care is essential for you, and everyone around you. It’s vital.

 

So, if you’ve had a relaxing holiday this summer, I am genuinely delighted for you. If you haven’t that’s ok too, because we can play the long game here. Have a think about what you need to do every week to keep you on top form. Make time to do it. Know the importance of it, and congratulate yourself heartily when you’ve given yourself permission to do it. That way, we can look after ourselves, and our wonderful families, and not be too disappointed when our feet hardly touch the ground all summer!


At The Vet Project, we offer coaching, training and consultancy around neurodiversity. We also run CPD courses and we're always happy to chat about how we can help! Email us on info@thevetproject.co.uk or head to our website www.thevetproject.co.uk




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