Embracing Authenticity with a Late Diagnosis of ADHD

Before I got my ADHD diagnosis, I would never have said that I was living inauthentically, but there were definitely things that I didn’t like to admit to myself. Little things that I wanted to do, but I just felt that it was too weird to even admit to myself that I wanted to do it. Even if the little weird thing would make me happy. And the more that I didn’t do the weird thing, the weirder I felt about it! And really, looking back, the little things aren’t that weird at all.

I’ll give you some examples, in case you’re wondering where this is going!

I listen to music a lot. I like to choose something to fit the mood that I’m in, and then play it as loud as I can stand it! This works best in the car, when I on my own, for obvious reasons. Very loud music definitely has the tendency to annoy/damage the eardrums of neighbours, car passengers, any kids in the vicinity etc. So I value my alone time in the car. One of my quirks is that I get really obsessed with a particular song or piece of music. I’ve got pretty eclectic tastes and it can be literally anything, but when this happens I ONLY want to listen to that song. Over and over and over and over again. Until eventually I get bored of it and move onto the next one. And for most of my life I haven’t let myself do that. I just didn’t think it was normal. I’d listen to it as part of a playlist or album, and then wait impatiently for it to come round again, but I wouldn’t let myself play it on repeat. Now, I’ve let go of trying to be normal about music and I play my favourite song on repeat, and it makes me REALLY happy, until I get sick of it! (What is normal anyway? I don’t think it’s even possible to define in this context!)

I understand now that this is stimming. And it took me a while to get used to that concept, when applying it to myself. One of the most liberating things about accepting my ADHD diagnosis has been embracing stimming as something that I don’t need to hide away. And actually to embrace stimming as something that I can use to soothe myself. Listening to my favourite song on repeat is a brilliant example of this. It soothes me.

Fidget toys are another great example. If I allow myself to fidget, I am calmer and more engaged in what I’m doing.

And I think it’s really unlikely that anyone else cares about my fidget toy, or how many times I’ve listened to a song on repeat. But it was never really about anyone else, the person I needed permission from was me.

My latest great thing that I’m embracing is warm things. I am always cold. Well, pretty much always. It has to be very hot for me to take my jumper off! But the thing that makes me really happy in life is a hot water bottle! (I’m joking…..obviously other things make me happy too, but a hot water bottle is high on my list of amazing things!) So, this autumn I’m making myself a hot water bottle every evening, and just carrying it around the place. Because I want to, and I can, and it makes me happy, and I have let go of the fact that it’s a bit weird.

So, that’s where I’m at. I’m no longer holding myself back from doing things that I want to do, for fear of being different.

I feel like the road to authenticity isn’t always straightforward, especially for late diagnosed neurodivergent people. It’s a journey of self-discovery, and in some cases lifting the lid carefully on things that we’ve suppressed for so long that we’ve forgotten that we’ve suppressed them. I suppose it’s similar to unmasking in a way. It’s not a switch that we can flick, and suddenly become the person that we were trying to hide away, because it’s unconscious and complicated, and our masked selves have served us well in some ways (and really haven’t served us in other ways). But, if we can offer ourselves a little compassion and think about what we want and need in a particular moment, we might surprise ourselves and open up a little.

If you would like help navigating your own path, we offer coaching for neurodivergent people. There’s more information at www.thevetproject.co.uk

#adhd #latediagnosedadhd #neurodiversity #neurodivergent #authenticity #masking #stimming #warm #adhdcoaching #coaching